BEing sick

As I was lying in bed this morning after waking up at an ungodly hour… 5 am, after a fitful night of sleep. This cough is brutal. My throat is raw and painful all the time, let alone when I swallow. My head is stuffed full. And my whole body just hurts.

As I lay there, I was thinking about the fact that it has been a long time since I was sick. Certainly this sick. And how good it felt to not be sick. Which is a new feeling for me.

I used to be sick a lot. Quite regularly actually. In fact, I remember one of the kids drawing a picture of me when they were little. It was me laying on the couch. Ouch. That’s how I felt then and it still stings today when I think about it. Still stings when I think back to it and when I am recovering on the couch today.

I realized that I used to shame myself about being sick. Much of this came from others that felt I was slacking somehow, not holding up my own. Maybe they thought I was trying to get out of something. I am sure that they were overwhelmed themselves, thats how this works.

Regardless, it is important that we pay attention to what our needs are, every minute of every day. Today, Being My True Self means resting and sleeping on the couch.

Little Fish, Big Pond

Maybe you’ve heard this saying before. It goes something like that… about being a big fish in a little pond then going to the big pond and all of a sudden being a little fish.

About being well known in your small town then going to the big city where no one knows you or your accomplishments.

I think I’ve spent most of my life feeling invisible. In fact, at work the other day I answered a question that was posed in a group of at least three people and answered, however, the person didn’t hear me or ignored my answer at first then figured out I was correct. I remember saying out loud to someone, “Am I invisible?”

With all due respect, I have spent much of this time actively trying to be invisible. Because if people didn’t see me they wouldn’t find out my secrets. That I’m not special. That I’m average. Or maybe even less than average. That I’m flawed. That I’m really good at something. That I’m human. That I’m law-abiding. That I’ve broken the law. That I’ve done things. That I haven’t done things. Yea.. I know how crazy that all sounds and how opposite most of it is. But those are just some of the things I have actively worked to hide about myself, my entire life.

It is no wonder that people overlook me at times. Many times. I often doubt myself and my own knowledge. Therefore, it is understandable that others would doubt whether I know what I’m talking about or not. I get it. And I’ve been so afraid to be seen and be called out for being right or wrong. Afraid of being seen, period.

I think I’ve always thought of myself as a little fish in a little pond, even when I moved to a bigger pond. I wanted to be the littlest fish… I wanted to be able to be a part of the big pond and navigate around in it, but be so tiny that no one would see me or notice me… but I could somehow, still be part of the action. Because some part of me craves that.

However, it was posited to me today … an idea that is quite foreign to me… but one that I have considered before and actually felt before… but never was able to quite incorporate into my being-ness.

The idea is that I am actually a big fish.

I’m gonna let that sit by itself for a minute… or three!! But not for years. Not anymore!! I AM A BIG FISH!! I am going to start owning this more and more as days go by. I am manifesting a new life that is full, and colorful, and beautiful, and full of love and acceptance and gratitude and abundance. I am no longer willing to be dismissed. I am not invisible. I have a message. I have a mission. It may have taken me a while to get here, but I have arrived.

This Being My True Self journey is never boring… but its about to get ratcheted up several notches! If you see me, you are welcome to join me in this journey and be the change we want to see in the world!!

Perfect Society

My last post reminded me of this. I’ve been describing this concept to clients for some time now. Honestly, since Jan. 2017 when our current president was coming into office. Something happened that helped me get clear about my view, but also this concept was brought to my attention. I say it this way, because I know the idea is not mine, but rather one that was downloaded from my higher consciousnesss.

What happened is this. I was feeling a certain kind of way when our current president came into office. I have lots of friends on Facebook that were advocating for change and encouraging others to be more active. I felt some guilt already that I had not done enough before, had not been active enough, and had somehow played a part in how we, as a country, got to where we were at that point. I know now that this is simply something that had to happen and that there wasn’t anything anyone could have done to have stopped it. This is not a resignation, but a knowing on my part.

At the time, I remember reading a post by a friend that said something along the lines of ‘if you aren’t calling your politicians and writing letters against certain things, that you are part of the problem’. This hit hard for me. I was already feeling that sense of guilt. However, I also did not feel in alignment with doing those things. I did not want to be more informed or aware of the ins and outs of political things. All that carries such a low, negative vibration, and I had already voted and said my piece, and truly believe the system is broken anyway.

At this place of guilt… I was aware of resistance on my part, to doing what my friend was stating I should be doing. I did what I usually do in those moments. I went inward and explored where this feeling was coming from, what thought had generated it. This is what I realized.

I am a healer. This is my purpose in this lifetime. I help people shift and grow and connect with their higher selves so they can live a more authentic and genuine life. Its not to change the political system. Period. And I believe that the only way to change it anyway is for me to shine my light even brighter. Which means that the most important and best thing I can do, is focus on myself and put my time and energy into being the best Me I can be. And leave the other stuff to other people.

Which brings me to this concept of the perfect society. I believe that every single soul on this planet has a purpose, gifts they brought to the planet, to humanity. And if everyone was simply allowed to live their purpose and focused solely on their purpose, asking for help with other things that aren’t their purpose, but are someone else’s… then there is a perfect symbiosis created.

I do what I do. You do what you do. Then I ask for help from you when I need what you do. And you ask for help from someone else that does what you need. And they ask for help from someone that does what they needs. So on down the line, until someone is asking me for help with the thing that I do. And no one judges anyone else for what and how they do what they do, they just either choose to ask that person for help or not depending on whether it is what they need or not. And when its not… they simply move on. No need to comment.

I am presently aware of some doubts about posting this… now that I have written it. The doubts say things like “no one cares what you have to say” and “who are you to present such a big idea”. I’m acknowledging them and pulling them into the light so they can be exposed. It takes away their power when I do that.

I present this idea…. because I simply felt called to do so. Again, I do not believe this is my idea, but rather my higher self’s desire to share our soul’s way of seeing each other and to see us treat each other more compassionately as human beings. With less judgment. That is my desire for you, if you are reading this.

Today Being My True Self means hearing my gremlins, but not listening to them.

In Light & Service, Danielle Dawn

Little to No Interest

Ever feel like that? Someone suggests something or you think about doing something and your gut reaction is that of revulsion? A complete pulling away? In the opposite direction? Like no part of you has any interest in doing or learning something?

I have!! And OMG! At this point in my life I have worked really hard to allow myself permission to do things that are in alignment with my higher/true self regardless of the human and societal rules that may say otherwise. Like lying in bed all day. Or staying inside all day when the sun is shining. Or doing something particular to celebrate a holiday… as if there is only one way to celebrate…. let alone only one way to honor the thing or person the holiday acknowledges. As if my way of doing something is some how less than your way.

I often wonder how things get started. I think of the Galápagos Islands when I think of this. The animals that are on that island and over centuries developed differently than counterparts on other lands. Its the telephone game we played as kids. A person on one end shares a statement with the next person who then shares it with the next person and so on down the line and no one is allowed to ask the person that told them to repeat themselves. The result is always a very different statement at the end than the statement that started the whole thing.

Our societal ideas are the same thing. Have you ever read about some of laws that different areas have? Like its illegal to spit on the ground? Or to walk your pony through town? (That first one is one I’ve read, the second one I made up.) When I think about these kinds of things, I wonder how they got started. I wonder what happened that someone somewhere decided that walking your pony through town was a problem that needed to be made an official law.

The same thing happens when I think of all the rules in our society. Not laws, but the rules that say I should use a shorter fork to eat salad. Or that there is something wrong with not wanting to be around hundreds of people. Granted, sometimes it could be an indication that something is wrong; that we are afraid of something and are avoiding something. But even if that is true, what gives someone else the right to tell me whether my decision is right or wrong? I’m the only one that can determine what is right for me. And that is true for everyone.

Today’s Being My True Self moment…. comes to pass as I sit down to learn how to do something that I thought I wanted to do, in this case writing an enewsletter. As I did so, I was aware that that “want” momentum carried me through the first few steps, but then it got complicated and I was aware of some frustration building in me. I stopped to assess where that was coming from. The answer I received was this… I have little to no interest in learning “how” to do an enewsletter. My interest lies in writing and sharing my thoughts to help others shift and grow and connect with their higher selves.

The next question then… which could be a whole new blog post… is, what are my options then? One of my biggest things lately has been…. I will save that for another post 🙂


Something struck me today… idea-wise, not literally. And I wanted to share it. Some time ago I was introduced to the idea of flow with regard to finances. The idea is that we are conduits for money. And things. It is never actually ours. Its just for us to use. To allow ourselves to do the things we are called to do.

And the flow is more prominent the more we allow our gifts to flow into the world. Ive seen amazing examples of this in the world. People that get this idea.

Money and resources come to us so that we can share our gifts with the world. That’s the point. It allows us to have the things necessary to do what we do.

As I was thinking about this today, I had a new realization about how the idea of lack and scarcity has played its part in my life… for oh so many years! I’ve been so worried about not having enough that I have hoarded things! Not to a level of an episode of the show Hoarders, but almost. I have kept things, just in case… (lol, I’m reminded of the White Shirt… another blog post that if it hasn’t already been written, is in my mind to be written). I have held on to things for fear (key word) that I wouldn’t be able to get another.

What I’ve done is create a dam. Fucking eh! I’ve built a dam! Money can’t flow, because I haven’t allowed it too flow THROUGH me… I’ve held things and stopped the flow. I certainly have more than I need to survive comfortably. And instead of allowing things to come into my life for a purpose and a time, I’ve held on to them and instead of letting them go when its time, to go on to someone else that is in need of them now.

I’ve put a value on things, tried to sell things that were gifted to me by the universe… as if… what? Fear. Lack. Scarcity. As if the universe won’t provide what I need, when I need it.

Not that I haven’t given away things too, I certainly have. But thinking about the “things” I have in my house right now… so much of it I don’t use and I have been loath to give up because I paid good money for it or its worth good money… but what it is doing is stopping new money and resources to flow to me for the next phase of my life.

Done. That’s it. No more. Today, Being My True Self means … Clearing out and letting go!

6am Workout

6am workout… WHAT?!?! If you had told me a month ago that I would be getting up to work out at 6am, I would have told you were insane, let alone look forward to it.

So at 8am, I sit writing this, following my 6am workout. And I am reflecting on how I got here…

When I was in my 20s, I worked out often, but I was never devoted to it as a way of life or anything. Then at some point in my life, it stopped being something I could do. I say it that way because I wanted to do it, but I just wasn’t able. Then it became something i wanted to want to do… but just didn’t want to do it any more. I always did prefer activity over exercise as a way of moving my body, but it changed.

I know that my body wasn’t healthy. And hasn’t been for decades… I know this now, I didn’t realize it at the time. After years of research and listening to my body and what it wanted and needed, I am feeling better than I have … maybe my entire life!

It’s only the second workout, but I can say today that I was looking forward to my workout this morning. And when the alarm went off at 530am, I didn’t want to throw it… I welcomed it. I can say that I know its different because of this mindset shift.

I have heard so many trainers (well meaning, no offense intended, most are amazing people) say something like “just decide to get up and do it”, “just change”… It is not that simple. Because I wanted things to be different for so many years. I remember telling people before something like “I thought about working out today” and even though they looked at me like that was not a big deal, I knew it was huge. Because it meant that my body was considering it, whereas the days prior to that, it had definitely not thought about it, let alone considered it.

At this point, I know my body very well. How? Because I have learned to listen to it. I have learned to not question it (most of the time, there are still times when I doubt and it will show me every time why it is the ultimate authority).

How did I get to where I look forward to a 6am workout and am reclaiming my mornings? First off, start listening to your body. Yes, you have a job. Ok. Maybe you don’t like it very well. That’s ok… for now. Keep doing that, but when you get home… when you walk in the door when you get home, ask this question, “what do I need right now?” And listen to the answer. When I started doing this, the answer was “take a nap”… for months!! I began to wonder if I was just being lazy, but there was some deep part of me that just knew that that wasn’t it. I needed the rest. As a single mother of four kids, there was always lots to do. And I was constantly giving and doing for others. Is it really so hard to believe that when I finally stopped and asked the question “what do I need right now?”, that the answer is to take a nap?! So, I did. I took a nap or watched a favorite tv show or played a video game or read a book. It literally was a year before the answer, one Saturday afternoon, was “let’s mow the grass”…. what?!?! I was amazed and I still remember that moment like it was yesterday.

That was several years ago now and I still had some full time parenting years left that kept me on my toes and continuing to give a lot, so the pattern remained the same. I was also still not healthy, not quite sick, although if I had allowed myself to get into the western medicine system, I know I would have come out with some major, chronic diagnosis. It was during this time that I started looking at what I was putting in my body. Started supplements and different diets and such. Researched… a lot. I figured out that dairy didn’t work well in my body and started limited it and finally getting rid of it. Same with caffeine, although got rid of that completely. Then, 1.5 years ago I gave up nightshades, 1 year ago gluten, and about 9 months ago I started a raw food diet that has completely changed my life. I started feeling healthy for the first time since… I can remember! With my system completely cleaned out, I was able to really tell how foods affect me, physically and mentally and emotionally. Once again, I listened to my body. I listen to what it wants and when I’m feeding it actual foods and not just food-like substances and making sure it has the nutrients it needs…. I feel amazing!

Which brings me to today! And a 6am-fucking-workout! I really am quite excited about it. And to be sitting here at 8am writing about it, on my bed, but not in it! My body is obviously able to handle it, was ready for it and craving it. I just can’t express here just how excited I am to feel this much vitality in my body!

Today… Being My True Self means a 6am workout and honoring my body and what it needs and not forcing myself to do anything that goes against that!

Wrecking Balls

Wrecking balls. Ever feel like you keep getting knocked over… seemingly every step you take? You get up, just to get knocked over again? And not just tipped over or ever pushed over, but wrecking ball knocked off your feet, over?

Well, I have felt this way. Often, actually. I’ve worked really hard in my life to learn to manage this. And I think I’m done a pretty fantastic job of it, too.

In fact, I don’t even see these things as wrecking balls any more. They are simply events that we, as humans, have decided are really catastrophic… like super awful. I learned a long time ago that every event in my life has had a purpose and does have a purpose, including these ones I’m referring to now.

I also believe that what is, is. In other words, what is happening is already happening… I mean literally the moment something happens it becomes history, so… not changing that. So, what is, is. I’ve learned to accept that and just kind of move on, even in the moment (I’m getting much better at this).

I also believe in the power of positive thinking. Not the “blowing smoke” kind of fairies and pixie dust kind of positive thinking, but looking for the positive aspects of things and situations. Because I believe there is a positive side to everything.

But, I heard something recently that got me to thinking about this all in a different way… basically putting it all together. I really can choose to be happy. I’ve noticed recently that when I tune into what I want to be true for my life, I will spontaneously smile. Like an authentic smile, not some fake, plastered on curving of my lips, but a real smile… sometimes a smirk or that little kind off smile you reserve for those cute, endearing kinds of things.

Anyways, this is shifting how I experience the world. And its helping me get in touch with what I really want in my life. I want to laugh so hard I’m afraid I’ll pee myself. I want to skip around outside. I want to snuggle up and feel a loved ones envelope me. I want to be of service in a big way. I want to share my gifts with the world! I want life to be simple. I want to interact with people on a regular basis that excite me, that challenge me to be a better person, that respect me, all of me. I want my body to feel alive again!!!

Today… Being My True Self means living with a passion that I have deep in my body… tapping into my soul’s zest for having a human experience… whatever that is and not labeling it as either good or bad. And doing it with a smile on my face.

Fighting to Fit In

Did you feel like you had to fight to fit in when you were in high school? I did! It seems like I tried every cliche there was at my high school… and none of them seemed to fit me.

At some point, I think I realized I simply wasn’t going to fit in and I just got the hell out of there as fast as I could. I did a work study thing my senior year of high school so I only had to spend half a day in school … and went to work the other half.

I thought it would end there. And I started college… I wasn’t really ready, but maybe I didn’t fit in there either and high tailed it out of there too. Then took a year off and came back to college. Still didn’t fit in… I didn’t live on campus and had to work full time to pay for school, so I didn’t get that “college experience” like everyone else in my classes. I also wasn’t in the right major… so this may have had something to do with that now familiar feeling… Once again, not fitting in.

As a mother of young children, I tried to fit in there too… didn’t seem to work. Unlike many of the other stay at home moms, I longed to have a career (doesn’t mean I didn’t love my children or love my time with them). I just wasn’t into what the other moms were into.

When I was finally able to return to college, in the major I had always wanted, psychology…. I think I was with people that finally thought like me, but I was a decade older than everyone in my classes! So… once again… didn’t fit in.

In grad school, while the age thing didn’t seem like as much of a thing, I was the one of maybe a few that had children… seemed like everyone else was in a different place in life somehow.

By now, I’m guessing you see a theme… I do…

The last decade has been so full of working and taking care of children that there hasn’t been much time for anything else. But as I reflect on my current situation, I recognize that I am finally finding people that are a good fit for me…. individuals here and there that accept me for who I am and even celebrate me. I’ve found a couple of communities that are full of people with similar interests or values and I think “wow, I’ve finally found my people.”

Then… something happens… may be an event or may just be a shift that I perceive… but either way, I begin to feel like I don’t fit in again. In one case, I think it was a perceived difference… me recognizing that I had one thing in common, but otherwise was still very different from most of the people in that community.

Most recently though, I caught myself feeling like I was fighting to fit in again… wanting to be accepted by people that I saw as the “cool kids”… and when that acceptance didn’t come, feeling like I was fighting to prove that I belong….

I honestly don’t even know what the answer is to this question I’m pondering… I just know that today… Being My True Self means wrestling with the part of me that feels a need to fight to fit in… or doesn’t feel like it doesn’t fit in…. or even cares if it fits in… or cares about the cool kids… or …. yea…. that.

Love & Light Always

The Puzzle of Life

Judging others…. we all do it. We judge ourselves too. But what is really happening. Here is how I see it.

I incarnated to have certain experiences in this lifetime. I have done this many times before. I have learned many things. And I have many more things to learn. I will continue to incarnate until I have had a chance to experience them all… at that point… well, that’s a different post!

If you put all the possible things to learn and wrote them down in a big long list of things to learn, you would have the headings for chapters of a textbook. Can you imagine that? The textbook of life lessons on earth! 🙂

When I incarnate, my soul takes out the textbook and decides what lesson it wants to experience in the next lifetime. Who knows how a soul makes a decision like this. I imagine it is much like how I decide what to eat when I look at a menu in a restaurant… hmmm… what sounds good to me, right now? Or what has been recommended to me by a trusted friend? Or do I want to be daring and try something I’ve never tried before and never imagined trying?

The thing is… we are all doing the exact same thing. We are just choosing different lessons at different times… for different reasons. Because you can do the textbook chapters in any order you want to. There is no cumulative, pre-requisite for anything in the textbook.

What does that look like for us as incarnated humans? It means that you may have already mastered a lesson in the textbook of life that I am now learning or haven’t even thought about doing yet. It means that I may have already mastered a lesson that you haven’t done yet.

Its why you can meet someone that seems to not know what they are doing, but gives you some immense piece of wisdom that rocks you off your feet. Or why someone that seems to have it all together can struggle with something that you find so simple and easy.

When you put it all together, when you put us all together on the planet, we create a huge puzzle… each off us having a different piece and each fitting together perfectly… IF we would simply accept each other as we are without judging each other..

When we judge, we are basically saying that the other person isn’t as good as we are because they haven’t figured out what we already know or have figured out. Or vice versa. What is there to judge though? If I have incarnated 100 times, it could mean that I have learned 100 chapters in the book of life or it could mean that I have tried to learn 1 chapter, 100 times. And there is not anything there to judge. It simply is what it is.

Who knows why I may take multiple times to learn a particular lesson. It does not matter. What matters, is that I have a piece that helps others and others have a piece that will help me, if only I am willing to accept that help from others. These lessons aren’t easy. How many people that have had near death experiences come back saying that they didn’t really want to come back?!

This thing called life that we are all doing… is not easy. It wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes we choose a life where money is not the issue, because we want to be able to focus solely on something else. Other times we choose to have money be a challenge, to serve a purpose in our learning. Whatever it is, my position is no better or worse than your position.

I appreciate you for who you are and what you came to learn. I have a piece of the puzzle called life; some I brought with me and others I have learned on this journey in this life. I am happy to share what I have learned with you. Thank you for being you and bringing to this planet your unique gifts and for your fortitude to learn the lesson you came to learn. You are brave.

Today… Being My True Self means that I am going to push myself to do some things that I find difficult… because I know that that is where I will learn the best lessons.

In Light & Service, Danielle

Negative? I Think Not

When it comes right down to it… it really is all about love. Dare I say, Love (with a big letter L).

It is all about acceptance of each other… and each other’s differences… It goes waaaaay beyond tolerance. It is not about what religious beliefs someone or what any one particular person or culture  believes. It is not about political beliefs.

No one is right… and no one is wrong.

When I look at all the strife in the world… or when I look at a particular “negative” action… and I ask the question “what makes it negative and not positive?” The answer is a person (or people) does (do). Based on a belief system. A belief system that is often times handed down from a person to a person. The problem is, people quit thinking when this happens. They quit asking why it was done that way. They quit trying to figure out if this is still the best way to do something or not, they just keep trying to apply the same rule.

I remember hearing a tale one time. A story. The story goes something like this. A daughter watched her mother prepare a pot roast. While preparing it, the mother cut off the ends of the pot roast and put it in a pan and into the oven. The daughter asked the mother  “why do you cut off the ends of the pot roast?” The mother replied “that is the way my mother did it, ask your grandmother why.”

The next time the daughter saw the grandmother, she did just that. The grandmother laughed and said “the first place your grandfather and I lived in had a very small oven and the only way I could cook a pot roast was to cut the ends off to make it fit.”

This rule was kept long after it no longer served a purpose… and not only kept, but passed on.. and it would have passed on two more generations later had the child not asked the question.

Children so often are willing to ask questions. And then they get it beat out of them (some literally and some verbally and some figuratively) as they age… they are told to not question their elders, that the elders know best. When in truth, many many times it is the youngest that have the newest and most brilliant ideas… in fact, often they have the ideas that change the world and changed it for the better. If they weren’t young, they were at least free thinkers that didn’t confine themselves because someone else said something couldn’t be done. They tried anyway!

We all come to this planet to learn a lesson. To further our learning. We are all on our own path. We are all taking different ways to and routes to learn similar things. Who am I, as a human or as a soul, to judge another’s chosen way? Or to impede another’s lesson even?

I am here to share what I know to be true. I am here to share what I have learned in this lifetime … and beyond. I am here to share with anyone that wants to hear and is ready to hear what I have to say. I believe those people will find their way to me and for them, I am happy to serve. I am not here to make others change… they may not be ready… they may need to not hear what I have to say in order to learn what they came to learn… so, who am I to say that I know better than they? The answer is, I’m not. I am not better, nor am I worse. I am simply different. I have gifts to share. As does every other soul on this planet that is here to live a human experience.

Those that we may call negative??? Not negative… just different. Even if its something like taking a life. Maybe they came to learn what it was like to do that or their soul is lost… either way, I believe that the life they took agreed to play that role and knew what they were doing. There is beauty in every experience you can have on this planet, if you are willing to look for it.

Today, Being My True Self means remembering to honor and celebrate all the experiences in the world and in my life… especially when I feel what most would call some negative emotion… that is where growth happens. And I am thankful for every opportunity to grow. Thank you for being a part of my life experience and playing the role you chose in this life experience with me. I honor you and am here to serve you in whatever way I can.