Just what kind of world do we live in anyway?!

I started on another post about things happening the way they are meant to… and in the process, I found myself saying, yet again, something about how others judge us… let me add myself to that group and say rather, how we judge [period] … and then put down and belittle ourselves and others.

So, I’m wondering what kind of a world do we live in? I’m wondering if its even a world that I want to be a part of… Looking back over my life I can say that I have spent a vast majority of my time doing things that others wanted me to do or told me to do or said I should do, either explicitly or implicitly. Then, whenever I would start to stretch out, to be who I felt like I was… Oh God, watch out! Heaven forbid I do something different!! Why is that so threatening?

I have been judged almost constantly my entire life … and its still happening! When I think of that, I want to just run away, quite literally, and live by myself… well, live where I can be me and those around me not only accept me, but like me too. This goes for myself too… I judge also. I find myself judging others without much thought and I judge myself. Its like I get caught up in it when I’m surrounded by it…. Even more reason to run away!! I don’t like when I do it to myself or anyone else! Its no way to live!

Chaos is part of the natural order of things… oh, sorry, I just had a whole train of thought in my head and that was the summation of it. If everything I do is based in Love, then how can anything I do threaten or jeopardize you and yours? If I am here to experience the earth and the world and fellow souls in flesh form, where is the issue? Isn’t the world big enough for me to do my thing and you to do yours? What does it matter if most people want to do it my way? Doesn’t make my way more right than yours, just different. So, if I’m off doing my thing and I like to run around and in the process of doing so, I bump into you… what’s so bad about that? That just means that your experience didn’t go as you thought it would… isn’t that ok? Isn’t that one of the things we come to experience? I mean we don’t control the weather either and I certainly don’t plan on having a tornado blow my house down, but its part of what makes experiences on this world so rich… Life is chaotic. Thus, my thought that chaos is part of the natural order of things… things are supposed to be chaotic and unpredictable.

They just are… they aren’t good or bad. We put those labels on things… I’m sure it served a purpose at one time, but I think we’ve lost sight of the point. As part of Being My True Self, I work hard to change the language that I use, especially labels. I use language that allows me to own my feelings and my thoughts as my own, the only things I can control in the world, so that I can better shape my experiences to be experiences that I want.

Being My True Self means creating a world that I want to live in, even if for now its a really small microcosmic sub-world of the bigger world we all live in. Doing this allows me the space to stretch and be who I know I am… so that one day, I can share it with the world and maybe, just maybe, help others connect to their true selves too.

It had to happen… just the way it happened.

All of those things had to happen… and they had to happen just the way they… happened (quite simply). Those things, being those things in my life that I thought were “horrible” or at least negative in some way or that are deemed as such by others… As I sit here typing (or is it keying or keyboarding….?) this and finding myself saying that, yet again, makes me wonder just what kind of world we live in… and further more, makes me wonder if I want to be a part of it. But that is a tangent I will follow later.

These things serve a couple of purposes.They help me to learn a particular lesson, to help me be who I am, to let me have that experience, possibly something I came here to experience purposefully to learn humility, or gratitude, or some other life lesson that is important to My True Self. I am grateful for these experiences because I know that I am a better person for them, even though they are not always pleasant to experience.

But these things are also a product of me not listening to My True Self. Historically, things had to be REALLY uncomfortable… and this is recent history too, not just ancient history. Things had to be really uncomfortable in order for me to decide to make a change… and I would often be railing against the situation or “thing” the whole time. And if I sit back and look at those things, there were other signs that it was time to change, move on, that that wasn’t the thing to do. But I often didn’t listen. I chose a different path. Usually because people in my life said that I couldn’t… or that I “should” do something else…  that kind of stuff…. And to be perfectly honest, my own human voice was in there too telling me that I wasn’t good enough, strong enough, smart enough, pretty enough…… that it would be too hard. Reflections of the past (a phrase I heard recently… and I like a lot) and nothing more… I’m moving on!!

For example, where I’m at, right now, with my work… I could have been here… many, many years before, right out of grad school… the same opportunity was presented to me then, it was there! But I was too scared. Caught up in thinking I needed to do any particular thing for the kids, with the kids, for the house… so I didn’t take the opportunity.

Of course, all that being said, I learned a lot in the mean time, I don’t regret it at all. I have learned from it that if I just listen to My True Self, it knows the way, whether I can see the way or believe it is possible or not, my Soul knows the way. Here’s to Being My True Self today and every day from this day forward… with no apologies!!!