Twilight Zone

Those times and places that seem so unreal that they can’t be real… can they? Surely not… these things don’t happen in real life, do they? To real people? I mean shit like this only happens in the Twilight Zone… right? (For those too young to know what I am referring to… Google it 😉 . )

When your world turns upside down.. and everything you thought you knew … everything you had come to depend on to be real, to be there, is taken away from you… it can feel so out of this world that, at least to me, it feels like an episode of the old tv show, Twilight Zone, where everything is unbelievable.

You wake up one day and everything you thought you knew about people is changed, gone, like it wasn’t even there… well, not all people. But when its people that you thought you could count on or trust and then you find out something different, it can be quite jarring… no, it can be unsettling, like an earthquake… the whole foundation that you were standing on is no longer stable or has completely gone out from under you.

So… what do you do when that happens?!

It is easy to get caught up in the emotion of it. And its important to experience and feel the emotion, for sure… allow yourself to experience it, in that moment it is your reality. You can’t run from it because it isn’t going anywhere. And running away or attempting to evade it just compounds things. Allow yourself to feel it and express it. When expressing it, be careful… choose safe support people to express it to and do it a little at a time. Let someone hold your hand or give you a hug, if you are up for that… And if you aren’t up for that, then close yourself away if you need to, but don’t avoid or run away completely… reach out with a phone call or a text even. Do this until you feel like you can take a breath without your chest wanting to explode.

I can’t stress how important it is to reach out to your support network. Reach out in multiple directions, to multiple people, in multiple ways. These are times when you need as much support and love as you can find in your world. They will all have different ways of supporting you and different words of wisdom for you based on your relationship with them and their own experiences and personality types. There is a reason the people in our lives are in our lives.

Another important part of this process of reaching out to those you love and trust, who love and trust you, is to remind  yourself that there are good people in the world. If not it is really easy to slip into hating the world … and everyone in it… and never trusting again.

During and after this process, make sure you focus on taking care of yourself. And once you can breathe again, do something that makes you feel better. Give yourself something to focus on. It should be something that can grab your attention enough to distract you… I know this can be difficult… difficult to focus, so don’t make it something that requires 100% of your attention and focus, that can be frustrating. This process helps to quiet the mind and allow the emotion to dissipate… and for your being to integrate the new reality.

Of course, this will be different for everyone… Because when we are being true to our selves and who we are, we will require different things to focus on to achieve the same outcome… this is determined by our different life experiences … Our souls will require different things and will have different paths.

And when you come out of this time of quieting the mind and emotions… when you are able to begin to think about the events again… its ok to cry, to experience the emotion again… and if its still intense then keep repeating the previous steps until you are able to sit with the experience without the emotion taking over.

At this point, reconnect intentionally with your soul, your true self, and your soul’s purpose. This will remind you that there is only Love… this will remind you that there is a higher purpose to everything… and that each of our paths is different… yet intertwined at the same time. This does not mean that you have to walk back into the situation where you were mistreated… its ok to integrate the experience and leave it behind. But, at the same time, you can send Love to those that mistreated you and wish them well on their path… Perhaps this was the intended journey in the first place and things had to come to pass in this way in order for us to walk away and pursue our own path…

In other words, get back in touch with Being Your True Self and see the situation from your True Self’s perspective and the betrayals and losses will fall away… will take on a new meaning. And you will once again be able to step back onto your True path.

In Light and Love… Danielle

What is it about mornings?

Mornings have always been difficult for me. I’ve always said “I’m not a morning person, I’m a night owl.” And this in general is true. But why?

When I think about mornings… There is simply a sense of dread almost. A sense of doom, like something is hanging over my head. And it doesn’t seem to matter how I approach it.. And believe me, I know my cognitive reframing!!

Then when I think about nights… There is a sense of not wanting to let go of the day… Like I didn’t get out of it what I wanted to get out of it and I want to hang onto it as long as possible… Which is kind of crazy when I think about it, because this is true whether it was a particularly “good” day or particularly “bad” day.

At times I have thought it was because it was cold… But I do it in the summer when it’s hot. Or because I was or was not sleeping with someone beside me, but again, it doesn’t seem to matter.

The only time it seems to be different is when I am particularly looking forward to something. Like Christmas morning when I was younger or the day I leave for vacation or have a special event. But even then, it has to be something I’m super excited about and then I don’t typically Sleep well the night before.

Insomnia… That’s another whole aspect of this… And maybe that’s where the issue lies… In simple biology, physiology. When the body doesn’t have what it needs to have to function properly, we can’t get to sleep and when we can’t get to sleep then the body is not ready to wake up “on time”. … Aha! There it is! The should that counters the body’s and the soul’s needs!!! I “have to” get up at this time regardless of how rested and rejuvenated I feel. And by extension, I “have to” go to sleep by a certain time, regardless of whether I am tired or not.

I have noticed that I function much better when I am allowed to just do what feels right to my body in the moment. When I wake up when I’m ready to and get moving at a pace that feels right to me, doing the things that nourish my body, mind, and spirit. Then going through my day with intention and purpose. Ending the day feeling like I LIVED rather than DID!! Starting and beginning my day Being My True Self means plenty of time to start my day the way that works for me and not the way society says I “should”!!!

Its Painful Sometimes

My mother has Alzheimer’s. This is a fact. It has been progressing for years now, slowly… It is hard to see anyone struggle with an illness and none are better or worse than another. But to watch someone so close to you… Has proven to be a particularly challenging thing to deal with.

As this began, I recall a moment several years ago when my mother pulled me aside at my house and said to me “I’m afraid. I’m starting to forget things.” At the time, a part of me freaked out a little bit because I could see in her face that she really was afraid, but the part of me that knows how to manage a crisis (and juggle four children’s needs and schedules) kicked in and I reassured her that it would be fine, that we would get through it and take care of her.

Since that conversation things have gone fairly normally. She does her thing, we do ours, and every once in a while little strange things would occur. She and I talked about alternative ways to help with memory (she doesn’t like doctors), eating clean, cutting out aspertame, supplements, and essential oils. I supported her the best I could. Sometimes we don’t get along well, it’s always been that way, but we always come back to respecting each other’s space and choices and remember that we love each other above all else.

There were times over the past few years when I would notice the overall change in her… The spaced look in her eyes in my second daughters graduation picture compared to my first daughters graduation picture… And I would cry. Not only because I recognized the difference from how she used to be, but also because my grandfather (my mothers father) also had Alzheimer’s. And I know what this looks like as it progresses… So, I cry…

I cry for her… I cry for myself… I cry for my kids… I cry for the rest of the family and her friends.

Being My True Self… I have struggled to wrap my mind around this at times… But actually that would be the issue, right? It’s thinking. The soul doesn’t think. The soul knows and the soul loves. To try to figure out what is happening with my mother by thinking about it, is never going to work. Because it doesn’t make sense. But my soul knows that my mothers soul has chosen a path… That only her soul will know and understand. It’s not my job to figure it out. It’s my job… My souls job… To love her. Whatever expression her body takes or path she chooses.

Being My True Self in this case looks like standing back and watching. But to me, it’s kind of like the watchful gaze of a mother who has her eye on her child to insure safety without interfering in the path the hold will experience or the lessons the child will learn. It’s important to fall and scrape a knee sometimes… That’s just part of Being My True Self.

Deadlocked!

Deadlocked… not making any decision for fear of making the dreaded “wrong” decision! What I would like to do with the person that first thought up this idea that things are “wrong”!!

Fear! I don’t know where it comes from! … Actually, yes, I do… but once its here it honestly doesn’t fucking matter where it came from! When it comes, its crippling!

You are going along with life, listening to the messages and ideas and doing your thing and then BAM! Crippling, disabling fear!! Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and other times it seeps in slowly. This particular time I watched it coming. I thought I had a handle on it… That last post was actually written about 5 days ago (must have gotten distracted and it didn’t get posted until I went to write this today). And at that time I was facing the anxiety and fear, but I thought I was ahead of it.

Now that I think about it, a good part of my weekend was consumed with worry and old coping mechanisms… tv show marathons, comfort foods, general avoidance.. However, I do want to pat myself on the back a bit too, because it wasn’t all consumed with these things. I also got some sorting, packing, and recycling done, too. But, I can see now that I was fairly overwhelmed with anxiety.

Part of me says, of course you are overwhelmed. You are closing on selling your house in less than a month and not everything is in order and you don’t know where you will be living!!! But, there is another part of me that says, quite rationally, I wouldn’t be the first person to live in temporary housing.

An even bigger part of me… the part that is connected to my higher self.. perhaps is my higher self… says that all of this is worry about things that don’t matter in the first place and if I could just let go of them…. I am working on this!! This is the path known as Being My True Self.

A Crazy Wonderful Journey

What a crazy wonderful journey life is!! There are simply times when I am amazed at what we do… including what we don’t do… and why we do or don’t do the things we…. do!!

I come back to this idea often, but its because its so pervasive in our society and worth repeating… and it keeps showing up in my own life. So many of us live our lives based on what other people want us to do. What other people tell us is the “right” thing to do.

We end up leading our lives based on fear. We are afraid to do this because it won’t come out the way we think it should. We are afraid of what other people will think of us. And yes, we do have to be careful sometimes, because there are instances where that is a real danger… unfortunately. I see people every day in the work that I do that are living their lives for someone else and they are miserable doing it. But yet they trudge on. Its so sad to me.

Yet… here I am… doing the exact same thing! Its so much easier to see when others are doing it. And so difficult to see when I do it. Even knowing what I know and believing the way I believe. Some lessons run deep and are hard habits to change.

What I have found that trips me up the most is thinking that others will think I am doing something the wrong way and as a result, will judge me as being a bad person because of it. Now, I know this has little to do with me and everything to do with the other person’s beliefs about what I do, but it is still hard to not see their judgments as true, especially when those judgments come from ourselves via other people.

Being My True Self means listening to the one authority in my life worth listening to… my higher self!