In Relationships

Being My True Self in relationships is tricky… can be like a minefield or a roller coaster. Its important that we maintain our True Selves in relationships though.. I mean, that’s why our partners chose us in the first place, because of who we are.

We all have the same needs that we are constantly balancing and working to meet. Each person’s needs are unique though. For instance, my need for socialization is relatively low… being an introvert and all, but my need for intellectual stimulation is relatively high… I love to learn new things. Its pretty cool… means we are all unique beings that bring something different to the table.

However, when you put two people together in a relationship (of any kind, mind you), this could (operative word here) cause issues. Because if my partner’s need for socialization is higher than mine… well, I’m gonna be done socializing way before they are. Where does the problem come in? Well, many people believe that we are responsible for meeting our partners needs. In this case, it is going to create a direct conflict for my partner and I. Either I have to sacrifice being true to my self or they have to sacrifice being true to their selves.

That’s not acceptable to me nor do I believe it is healthy. Its not the only way though. We are each responsible for meeting out own individual needs. So, if my partner doesn’t like to learn new things as much as I do, then its important that I pay attention to my own need for learning. What happens often, but is not helpful, is to hold one’s partner responsible for meeting that unmet need. But if their need has already been met, they aren’t going to know that mine isn’t… only I will. Its my responsibility at that point to tell my partner what I need, ask them if they are able and willing to help me meet that need, and if not, then to have a discussion about how I am going to meet my need.

Today, Being My True Self means recognizing my own needs and taking responsibility for meeting them myself.

Wrestling the Gremlin Queen

You heard me right. I found and have been wrestling with the Queen of all Gremlins… my gremlins, that is. Gremlins being those doubty or negative kinds of thoughts that we all have in our minds. Well, I believe I’ve found my biggest, oldest, most pervasive one… at least so far, because I can’t know what will come or if I’ll find a bigger one later or not.

I’ve written about this gremlin before… I know because when I was thinking about writing about this, a title came to mind and I searched my posts… and there it was. This is slightly different… and this is a new day, therefore, a new post. Besides, the more I wrestle with these gremlins, this one in particular, the more I’m able to identify it and learn how to beat it.

This gremlin is the one that says I’m not good enough. Not good enough for what? Well, not good enough for anything… to do what I do… to get a job… to talk to people, because why would they want to know what I have to say.

This last one came up today… I realized when I attended an event and found myself in the room with someone who is a peer… meaning they do similar work as me…. I was quiet and afraid to talk to them. I noticed that my thinking was that they wouldn’t want to talk to me. That they wouldn’t see me as an equal or a peer. That I see them as better than me… more important than me.

When I thought beyond this event, to other areas of my life, I realized that I do this in many areas of my life. I avoid putting myself in situations because I don’t want to be confronted with this idea… I don’t want to be rejected. I do this with clients… I worry that clients or peers won’t see my worth… my value. Which is ridiculous, because its intrinsic. They don’t have to see my value. I help people with this every day… WTF?! What is wrong with me, that I haven’t figured this out?!

I know different! I really do! There is evidence that these things aren’t true. I know that what I have to offer people is well worth the cost. I help improve the quality of people’s lives… and when you’re in pain, that is priceless. I’ve been there. And I’ve utilized the services of people like me and gotten so much out of it. I’ve been told by clients that I have worked with that I have been very helpful.

Therefore, I know these thoughts aren’t true… But, damn, there is a part of me that won’t let go of these ideas… they get in the way of me doing things I want to do. I’m putting this out there today because I believe that bringing them into the light will make them weaker and me stronger.

Today, Being My True Self is being vulnerable… being transparent… being strong… being a wrestling champion!!