Being My True Self in relationships is tricky… can be like a minefield or a roller coaster. Its important that we maintain our True Selves in relationships though.. I mean, that’s why our partners chose us in the first place, because of who we are.
We all have the same needs that we are constantly balancing and working to meet. Each person’s needs are unique though. For instance, my need for socialization is relatively low… being an introvert and all, but my need for intellectual stimulation is relatively high… I love to learn new things. Its pretty cool… means we are all unique beings that bring something different to the table.
However, when you put two people together in a relationship (of any kind, mind you), this could (operative word here) cause issues. Because if my partner’s need for socialization is higher than mine… well, I’m gonna be done socializing way before they are. Where does the problem come in? Well, many people believe that we are responsible for meeting our partners needs. In this case, it is going to create a direct conflict for my partner and I. Either I have to sacrifice being true to my self or they have to sacrifice being true to their selves.
That’s not acceptable to me nor do I believe it is healthy. Its not the only way though. We are each responsible for meeting out own individual needs. So, if my partner doesn’t like to learn new things as much as I do, then its important that I pay attention to my own need for learning. What happens often, but is not helpful, is to hold one’s partner responsible for meeting that unmet need. But if their need has already been met, they aren’t going to know that mine isn’t… only I will. Its my responsibility at that point to tell my partner what I need, ask them if they are able and willing to help me meet that need, and if not, then to have a discussion about how I am going to meet my need.
Today, Being My True Self means recognizing my own needs and taking responsibility for meeting them myself.