This journey I’m on, to find my True Self, has been a long and bumpy road… and I’m not there yet! It has seemed less bumpy lately, but there are certainly still some very deep potholes… and this one I’ve fallen into feels rather cavernous!! Actually… I didn’t fall into it, I was tricked, seduced and walked blindly into it, not even realizing where I was going, until I woke up and found myself near the bottom.
Huh?! Where am I?! How did I get here? And where did my True Self go?!
Those were questions I found myself asking today. I woke up feeling like I was lost… again! (#$%*^@&!! ) But how is that possible?! Just two days ago I knew exactly who I was and exactly what I wanted to do… not just wanted, what I am meant to do, what my soul intended for me to do in this lifetime. And now? Well now I’m just plain confused.
Write a blog? What? No one cares what you have to say?! You can’t trust these people! You better watch your back! No one cares about you! *Feeling pressure to get things done, to get to the next thing or place. To DO!*
All nagging, negative thoughts and feelings that have plagued me much of my life… that I have worked so hard to put out of my mind, to challenge. They are the voices of people I used to know, peers, society… The thoughts and beliefs that oppressed me and kept me out of touch with my True Self.
But why are they back? And how did they get such a strong hold on me again, so quickly? Strong enough to drag me so far down that its hard to see the light anymore?!
And the damnedest part?! I saw them coming! My True Self was watching them and heard them… She did what she could, she challenged them, she kept moving forward in spite of them…
I guess she wasn’t strong enough to stand up to them all… The steady, insidious onslaught was too much.
I’m in touch with my True Self still. I can hear her voice. She’s scared and a bit timid right now. I’m crawling back out though. I have some awesome people in my life. I’m calling in back up and reinforcements. And with the love and support of good people, she will rise again! And she…. WE will be stronger than WE were before.
Because that’s how it works! Its not the falling down part that matters, its the getting up part. And you better believe, I’m getting up again. My soul has a mission!