Deadlocked… not making any decision for fear of making the dreaded “wrong” decision! What I would like to do with the person that first thought up this idea that things are “wrong”!!
Fear! I don’t know where it comes from! … Actually, yes, I do… but once its here it honestly doesn’t fucking matter where it came from! When it comes, its crippling!
You are going along with life, listening to the messages and ideas and doing your thing and then BAM! Crippling, disabling fear!! Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and other times it seeps in slowly. This particular time I watched it coming. I thought I had a handle on it… That last post was actually written about 5 days ago (must have gotten distracted and it didn’t get posted until I went to write this today). And at that time I was facing the anxiety and fear, but I thought I was ahead of it.
Now that I think about it, a good part of my weekend was consumed with worry and old coping mechanisms… tv show marathons, comfort foods, general avoidance.. However, I do want to pat myself on the back a bit too, because it wasn’t all consumed with these things. I also got some sorting, packing, and recycling done, too. But, I can see now that I was fairly overwhelmed with anxiety.
Part of me says, of course you are overwhelmed. You are closing on selling your house in less than a month and not everything is in order and you don’t know where you will be living!!! But, there is another part of me that says, quite rationally, I wouldn’t be the first person to live in temporary housing.
An even bigger part of me… the part that is connected to my higher self.. perhaps is my higher self… says that all of this is worry about things that don’t matter in the first place and if I could just let go of them…. I am working on this!! This is the path known as Being My True Self.