Sometimes.. Everything… and sometimes, not much at all.
I was reminded recently that my mother intended for me to have a different name, almost right up until the moment I was born. I was to be “Dawn Michelle”… Then, as the story goes, my mother saw a movie and either a character or an actress was named “Danielle” and she decided in that moment that would be my first name and to shift my original first name of Dawn to my middle name. Thus, when I was born, I was named “Danielle Dawn”.
This has almost always made me think of that song by…. no idea who…. but the song “Delta Dawn”. As a kid growing up in the 70s, I would change the words to be my name instead, “Danielle Dawn, what’s that flower you have on… could it be ….” however the rest of it goes, it escapes me in this moment.
Regardless, as I was reminded of this recently, I began to think about the two names…. try them on for size, so to speak… saying each name … writing each name (kind of like you do when you imagined being Mrs. So-and-So when you were a teenager or gave yourself a stage name, lol).
There was a part of me that felt like choosing “Dawn” was an easy way out. “Danielle” had already had all these life experiences… difficult ones… ones that I would like to forget… well, at least sometimes. Choosing a different name seems like I’m trying to dodge something or get away from something.
I checked the numerology of the two names though and the Life Path number is the exact same. The only thing that is different is personality expression, basically, of the shortened version which would be “Dawn” instead of “Danielle”.
Anyway, as I would say each name, “Danielle” and then “Dawn”… this is what I felt. “Danielle” felt like something I was putting on… like a suit of armor or a piece of clothing… or a disguise…. it was a strange feeling… I literally felt like the energy was blanketing me on the outside. Then when I would say “Dawn”…. I felt like my insides tingled…. No… seriously! I’m not making this up! My insides felt like they came to life! My soul really resonated with the name “Dawn”!!
In this journey to discovering how to Be My True Self… I think I’ve discovered My True Self’s name… It’s Dawn. I imagine that my mother heard this and knew it from the moment she either knew she was having a girl or, at least, what she would call a girl if she had one… and then something intervened… not enough to change my whole life path (that had to be the same), but enough to change how I expressed myself in the first part of my life? Maybe. Or maybe to protect me in some way… to allow “Dawn” to keep its innocence and Light…
You know what?!? That’s how I feel when I think of Dawn… like it has a light all its own! Like it shines without holding back! Like it shines from some place deep inside me from a source that is eternal… That would be me!! That would Be My True Self!!