I’m intuitive and also a masters level trained counselor. I can sense how someone is feeling and I know how to read nonverbal cues. As a result… I read people fairly well.
So…. I begin to wonder then how I can be so disconnected from people with whom I interact. I mean, there are times when I say something that seems to be taken in a completely different way than I intended.
As I write that, the first thought that comes to mind is that I am not responsible for how something I say is received or interpreted. And I fully believe this! The second thought that comes to mind is that being able to read people well does not necessarily mean that I will be good at imparting information! Which certainly seems to be the case sometimes!!
So… as I explore this concept…. what is that awkward moment? Why awkward? Well, this brings up that concept that there must be a “right” and a “wrong” way for it to go to be able to judge it as having gone poorly in order to be labeled awkward. So, lets let go of that idea and move on.
So what if its awkward anyway? Why is that even conceptualized as a bad thing? I think it is conceptualized because we feel judged in those moments. Whether it be from ourselves or from the other person. But so what?! Let it be awkward and lets just talk about it and get it out of the way!!!
This comes up because I have had these experiences over the course of my life and recently. And I have been trying to figure out how things got to be awkward in the first place. There is something that I believe contributes to this… a characteristic of myself, personality trait, whatever you want to call it. I tend to think that people are privy to my thoughts. Its almost like I am finishing or continuing, out loud, a conversation/thought that I started in my head. I don’t include all of the background information necessary for others to know what the hell I’m talking about. Or I assume that they are coming from the same mental space that I am in.
I learned this about myself a long time ago and it happens more when I am excited about something or a part of a conversation that is moving quickly where I don’t have time to include the context or just don’t realize I have slipped into this mode.
I am who I am on a very deep level and I’m done apologizing for that. If others want to judge me for this… then so be it. I am at a place in my life where I am ok letting those people go and moving on. I want to surround myself with people that accept me, quirks and all… and who are willing to tell me when they are offended by something I say, giving me an opportunity to correct the issue… 9 times out of 10 the thing they are offended by is taken out of context, admittedly because a lot of times I didn’t include the context. But just because I’m good at reading people doesn’t mean that I always do… when I’m caught up in the moment, I don’t always catch it. I’m not offended or hurt by someone saying, “hey, I find that offensive.”
Today Being My True Self means accepting those parts of me that don’t always work well in this earthly experience and allowing them to be what they are, without judgement.