I have always felt very uncomfortable with intense emotions. I mean who can actually watch an ASPCA commercial without breaking down in tears?! But, its so uncomfortable that I change the channel… as quickly as possible.
And I’ve always been like that. If I’m honest (and what other way is there to be?), I have always shied away from anything that started to tap that emotion center… as soon as I could feel it start to bubble up I would run in the other direction as fast as possible. Turning on logic is great for that! Shuts emotion down quickly.
But, as I sat with this feeling today, in silence (well, my music was playing in the background), I just watched it… and I realized something… I’ve had this feeling before… recently, only I described and labeled it differently, in a more positive way… it was with my chiropractor during a session. He helped me to realize that my body was trying to contain energy that was flowing in me, but that it wasn’t meant to be contained within my body. That I am a conduit for it. The energy is bigger than me, in other words, meant to flow through me.
So, as I had this overwhelming emotion today, I didn’t run from it, I allowed myself to feel it and really experience it. At one point I could feel my mind engage and try to label and name it and make sense of it… be logical, but I was able to stop that and continued to just experience the emotion itself… then I noticed the tightness in my chest… this is what reminded me of the chiropractor’s office… I had had the same physical sensation while in session….
Hmmmm… Wow! So, that’s what that is?! The energy of the emotion was in my body, but it didn’t fit… And it didn’t fit because its the emotion that my soul is experiencing! But because the emotion that we feel on a soul level is so much bigger (that word doesn’t even begin to describe the difference!), it simply doesn’t fit in our bodies… our bodies feel like they are going to explode when they try to contain the true self’s emotion!
So, I’m gonna stop trying to contain the emotion. Now that I know, its that simple… of course, I’m sure there will be times when I forget and body memory kicks in and takes over, but this new way feels better and I’m ready to experience everything that my True Self has for me…
For me, its about imagining that the energy pouring through me is being released through my skin. My skin is not a barrier. The energy radiates out of me in all directions. I bring my awareness to a higher place, encompassing the space around my body, as large as I can imagine, and my body feels the relief.
Giving credit where credit is due, this is not my idea, I learned to do this from my chiropractor! He helped me to learn to look beyond myself, to recognize that I am bigger than my human body… it made a huge difference in how my body responded to chiropractic care, but has also made a huge difference beyond care… in every facet of my life!! I couldn’t be more grateful (said as my true self’s heart swells with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude!)