You heard me right. I found and have been wrestling with the Queen of all Gremlins… my gremlins, that is. Gremlins being those doubty or negative kinds of thoughts that we all have in our minds. Well, I believe I’ve found my biggest, oldest, most pervasive one… at least so far, because I can’t know what will come or if I’ll find a bigger one later or not.
I’ve written about this gremlin before… I know because when I was thinking about writing about this, a title came to mind and I searched my posts… and there it was. This is slightly different… and this is a new day, therefore, a new post. Besides, the more I wrestle with these gremlins, this one in particular, the more I’m able to identify it and learn how to beat it.
This gremlin is the one that says I’m not good enough. Not good enough for what? Well, not good enough for anything… to do what I do… to get a job… to talk to people, because why would they want to know what I have to say.
This last one came up today… I realized when I attended an event and found myself in the room with someone who is a peer… meaning they do similar work as me…. I was quiet and afraid to talk to them. I noticed that my thinking was that they wouldn’t want to talk to me. That they wouldn’t see me as an equal or a peer. That I see them as better than me… more important than me.
When I thought beyond this event, to other areas of my life, I realized that I do this in many areas of my life. I avoid putting myself in situations because I don’t want to be confronted with this idea… I don’t want to be rejected. I do this with clients… I worry that clients or peers won’t see my worth… my value. Which is ridiculous, because its intrinsic. They don’t have to see my value. I help people with this every day… WTF?! What is wrong with me, that I haven’t figured this out?!
I know different! I really do! There is evidence that these things aren’t true. I know that what I have to offer people is well worth the cost. I help improve the quality of people’s lives… and when you’re in pain, that is priceless. I’ve been there. And I’ve utilized the services of people like me and gotten so much out of it. I’ve been told by clients that I have worked with that I have been very helpful.
Therefore, I know these thoughts aren’t true… But, damn, there is a part of me that won’t let go of these ideas… they get in the way of me doing things I want to do. I’m putting this out there today because I believe that bringing them into the light will make them weaker and me stronger.
Today, Being My True Self is being vulnerable… being transparent… being strong… being a wrestling champion!!