The Space In-Between

This idea… this concept… this notion, if you will, keeps coming up for me this week.. In things I read and see. Then in my thoughts the idea expands.

My main focus these days is on getting my message out… what’s my message? Good question!! Lol I’ve been working on this for years now! I think this idea is a part of it!

So, our society teaches us to move through this space in-between pretty quickly. You’ve probably heard the quote about the journey, not the destination. Its that. We are taught to ignore, in essence, the journey or the space in-between where we are and where we are going.

It goes further to include moments between things. So much so that there are typically no “empty” moments in the day, because when we find them, we fill them… at least that is true for me. And its true for friends and the clients that I have worked with over the years. Then, once we fill, those moments we rarely go back and take out what we filled the moments with, so much so that we end up feeling like everything is important and we can’t get rid of everything and its all the same amount of important!!!! Do you feel the frenzy that builds when you read that?! Yikes!! It goes all the way down to the pause in a conversation.

How many people are uncomfortable being single? Its the space in-between relationships, right? As if the relationship is the desired, expected status or way to be… skip right over or through the single/in-between space as quickly as possible. Just pick someone! Ever do that?!

The underlying message is that the space in-between is bad in some way. Maybe you were told it was unproductive. Or you were lazy if you didn’t do something with it. Or unmotivated, even. In other words, things that don’t feel good.

Is it any wonder that we end up believing that any relationship type that is in-between already identified types isn’t acceptable? We are already conditioned to not be comfortable, at the very least, with something that is in-between. Of course, it goes further when we are talking about relationships. There are other norms and things that come into play. However, I want to talk about what is in-between relationship types.

We all know what monogamy is. The state of being in a committed, loving relationship with only one person at a time. Our society tends to take the connotation of it further though, but not unanimously so. There are different, individual expectations with the concept that are sometimes talked about and sometimes not. For the sake of this discussion, monogamy is being in a committed, loving relationship with just one person at a time, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual.

Now, if you go look at alternatives to this, what do you find? You tend to find the extremes. Most everyone has heard of the man (can’t think of his name at the moment) that married dozens of women and some underage girls in the name of his religion. Or you heard of a friend of a friend who tried to open a marriage and it didn’t go well at all. In some cases polygamy or polyamory or swinging or kinky… each conjuring up its own images in your mind as you read these words. Most of the time you will find things that already have a name and definition.

At this point, most people will put themselves in one of the categories or boxes and go from there. Whatever the box is, they try to fit themselves in it, make themselves match the definition of the one they chose, assuming that is the ultimate way to be… and if they aren’t like that, that there is something wrong with them…. and they seek to “fix” themselves.

I’m here to tell you (because I’ve learned this the hard way), THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!! No matter what it is you want in a relationship! You are allowed to ask for it! You are allowed to expect it! It has taken me a lifetime to recognize this and then accept this for myself! I want this for you! For Everyone!!

Dare to be uncomfortable. Go to the space in-between and stay there! Don’t run away, don’t shy away. Go there and ask yourself, “What do I want?”… “What are the possibilities?”… Allow yourself to explore the in-between!

Today, Being My True Self means putting on my explorer’s hat and hiking boots, taking a packed lunch, and visiting the in-betweens I find today… Join me?

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Danielle

I am on a journey .... By title I am a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor. I have been called friend, girlfriend, wife, mom... among other labels. But I am a loving, caring being that lives through these labels and titles to help and heal others while I am here.

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